Odd: Failure, Guilt and Blame

Okay, I know it's odd that I'm writing on an even day.

Yesterday I just couldn't. But I can't let Moldova down for too long, now can I?

The topic for today: Failure, Guilt and Blame.

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” ― Albert Einstein

Some high profile cases have captured the world's attention lately. Cases in which something horrific happens and then the players involved - the ones who are still alive, at least - rush to point fingers in order to absolve themselves of all blame and assert the guilt of others.

Our systems are designed that way, I guess. At first glance, it appears that there are no grey areas. You're guilty or you're innocent. You're sainted or condemned. Epic win or epic fail.

We've all heard that there are "two sides to a story". But when a case becomes high profile, we actually get to see scientific proof that there can be two completely different ways of looking at the same set of facts. A continental divide in perceptions. In the Trayvon Martin / George Zimmerman case it was about 49/51% for those who agreed or disagreed with the verdict. Among white-skinned people, that is. And among non-whites, who would understandably see the verdict through a different, more personal lens, it was more like 70/30, with the vast majority seeing the verdict as unjust. But still, there wasn't 100% agreement on the matter. And you won't find a group of people on earth with 100% agreement on anything, let alone the Zimmerman verdict.

“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?” ― L.M. Montgomery

To me, situations such as the Trayvon Martin case capture so much attention because they are like a concentrated snapshot of what goes on in everyday life. Smaller, less important matters, yes. But matters that affect you, and me, and our kids, and everyone around us. The Martin/Zimmerman situation shows that even when all the facts are laid out, and a fair trial is held, and a verdict is pronounced, there can still be a complete lack of certainty over who is wrong and who is right. Who is guilty, who is not. Who is at fault, and who is not.

In Toronto's controversial Sammy Yatim case, we are already seeing buckets of blame tossed back and forth, and we'll see that continue as the case is discussed and analyzed from now on.

You have in one corner the folks who say the police officer pumped 9 bullets into a teen carrying nothing more than a 3-inch blade - a completely unjustified action, a failure on the part of police. That police are trigger-happy lunatics who live for the opportunity to kill.

On the other side, you have the argument "If you bring a knife to a gunfight, prepare to die" from the people who believe that the teenager is to blame for his death. That the failure to avoid this outcome was Sammy's. And that his parents failed to bring him up right - so they are to blame as well. And we mustn't forget that Syria, Sammy's birthplace, is also to blame for being a violent country. And so on.

In everyday life, when a failure happens - and let's face it, they happen all the time - the facts are never laid out the way they would be in a high profile news story or court trial. All you have is a smattering of thoughts, words and perceptions from two sides of an argument, two opposing sides with equally full-blown determination to prove the other side is at fault.

 "You rear-ended me!"

"No, YOU hit the brakes without warning!"

And again, our systems - and our world - are not set up for people to casually raise their hands and say "you know what? I could have done better. I'm sorry." Nor is our world a place where one's opponent would counter that admission with, "Oh my gosh, no, it was my fault. I can see why you screwed up there. Your mistake was honest. I'm just as much to blame as you are. I get it."

“We learn from failure, not from success!” ― Bram Stoker, Dracula

In everyday life, blame is an endless dance. Back and forth it goes, as each partner does his best to deflect guilt and cast blame. Neither party admitting to even a 1% contribution to the failure.

And you don't have to shoot someone to feel caught up in the tango.

If we live in a society in which we're not free to accept, admit, and be forgiven for our failings ... a society in which we'll only be rewarded if we succeed in making blame stick to someone else ... then we must accept the fact that we'll spend our entire lives walking a dangerous tightrope. A fine line, from which any of us - you, me, or someone you love - could easily take a massive fall.

With the swirling dance of guilt and blame in our minds and all around us, we'll never learn to accept and forgive ourselves for our failings, let alone others. And that, I believe, is one of mankind's most epic fails of all.

“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” ― Mahatma Gandhi