It's odd how online bullies never commit suicide

Another child has committed suicide because of bullying over sexual acts she committed with a boy. Here's the link: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/10255283/Girl-performs-oral-sex-on-boy-in-field.-Photo-goes-viral.-Shes-a-slut.-Boys-a-hero.-What-should-we-do.html.

As a grown up woman, and mother to a pre-teen daughter, I certainly have a lot of thoughts about this topic.

I remember when I was a child myself, just how long a day would seem. It's something that adults forget - the completely different perception of time children have compared to ours. We know if we're having a bad day, or even a bad stretch - we know that it will be over with at some point. The ancient saying, "This too shall pass" is succinct and bang-on accurate ... but to believe this proverb it surely helps if you've lived long enough to witness first-hand just how true it is.

Children don't have that luxury. And to a child a day is long. A bad day is unbearable. A bad week or month is the end of the world - often by their own hand.

A broken toy, or lost friend, can be devastating for a 9 year old. We cuddle that child, protect her, tell her things will be okay. We shield her eyes from filth and horror, large and small, that come her way. And we forgive the child for their misdeeds and failings. We allow them to learn from their mistakes and move on.

But only a few years later, that same child can be thrown into a pit where she'll have to battle sexuality, dishonest people with ulterior motives, public shame and humiliation, and the list goes on. Parents become the "last ones" kids feel they can talk to. The internet makes it so much worse for these children, because while it can create the illusion of a delightfully supportive friendship network, it is in reality filled with sharks.

In my rather-small Ottawa suburb high school, as a 14-year-old, I once left my wallet on top of a pay phone for about a minute before I hustled back to retrieve it. The wallet - containing plenty of identification, and money I had been saving up to buy a camera lens - was gone. I asked the office staff to make announcements, which they did, and I checked daily to see if someone had returned the wallet, but it never reappeared.

That was the first time, for me, that I realized that there are people among your social circles - people you would never suspect of being capable of cruelty or evil - who would easily hurt you if they could. If they could get away with it. If they'd never be found out. Someone I interacted with every day at school had knowingly done this to me. Wow.

As someone who always corrects a cashier if he or she gives back too much change, or returns even the coolest gadgets to the nearest logical authority, this was news to me. A stark revelation.

A wallet was a horrible thing to have stolen - but I did leave it out there for the taking. Didn't I? Even if only for a moment. Now consider what it is that our children put "out there" for the taking every day, in our wired world. With cameras everywhere, and on everyone, there can be reminders of every embarrassment, every hurt, every mistake. I can think of at least two television ads running right now that make light of this phenomenon. One is a Rogers TV spot that makes fun of a man who studies newspaper ads to find the best technology deal. His friend takes a photo of the man - his face covered in black newspaper ink fingerprints - and we just know the humiliating image is bound for facebook or twitter.

Adults can handle something like that. Kids can't. Period. And yet kids have their self worth and self esteem out there, ready to be snatched from them, all day long, every day. For girls the risk is very high - possibly much higher - because they risk the shame of being called sluts if the wrong photo of them should make the rounds online. Whether they actually did anything wrong or not. For gay youth, the risk is also high. That's why you don't see any suicides among the football team members who raped the girl and posted photos online. But you do see plenty of suicides among the girls and gays who are victimized, like Hannah Smith, Rehteah Parsons, Amanda Todd, Audrie Pott, and a young man named Tyler Clementi who was outed as a homosexual on video by his school roommate.

The victims kill themselves. The perps live on.

I guess this is as good a time as any to make my point. And the point is that I want young people - people who have their dignity taken from them EVEN IF IT'S THEIR OWN DAMNED FAULT - to know that this too shall pass. Please, believe me.

If you're distraught because you have done something you're ashamed of, and you're hearing about it online, and you feel all the fingers are pointing at you? I agree. That's a bad and difficult experience to get through. But you must get through it. Just let today turn into yesterday. And tomorrow, do that again. Eventually, if you just wait it out, you will get through to the other side of this. I promise. Don't let the biggest bully in your world be the voice in your head. Get up on top of it and tell that voice to shut up.

Get the help you need. Don't do this alone. And once you rise above it all ... maybe, just maybe, you'll find that the bright and beautiful joy at the end of the tunnel some day is the ability to turn around and help someone else who is going through the same thing. Sure, you'll still have your failings. But they'll be packed in the smallest pocket of your massive suitcase filled with love, and learning, and new experiences and all the gifts you know you can give the world.

And in keeping with the theme of putting something online that people might laugh at, and ridicule, I wrote a poem just for you. Whoever you are.

Only Yesterday

My self defence just feels so weak.
No one hears it anyway.
So throw your stones at me all day.
Cast them over yesterday.
Yesterday. Yesterday.
The endless void of yesterday.
It's all just yesterday.

What you see and think of me?
That was only yesterday.
Those things you say?
They will all be gone away.
Beneath another yesterday.
Yesterday. Yesterday.
They'll all be yesterday.

I am aware what your eyes see
But that won't take control of me
You see ghosts of yesterday
Not real no matter what you say
In darkness lies all yesterdays
Tomorrow lights upon new days
Not yesterdays. Yesterdays. They're only yesterdays.